A few months ago I initially thought I was exempt from a certain individual’s ill motives, shady behaviour, and acts of pure desperation. I do not know why I thought I was ’special’ and that my back wouldn’t fall victim to a stabbing. Yet, that is what I naively thought at the time. And, yet, it was only a few years ago that I considered this person a friend, someone who has previously shown concern and care for my well-being and safety. Yet, during those years, I didn’t know why I considered this person a close friend when deep-down there was always a flicker of distrust where this person was concerned. Maybe I was doing what I always have done and gave this person an un-warranted benefit of the doubt, which of course, was in no way to my benefit.
This person and I didn’t talk as often as we used to, but did remain somewhat ‘friendly.’ I always felt that this particular individual sincerely liked me, enjoyed my company, admired me, even, but I always sensed there was some hint of animosity simmering underneath the exterior. I could never quite put my finger on it, that is, until this summer/fall.
I’ve recently learned to fully trust my instincts and my senses — they’ve never let me down before. So when the animosity that this person had towards me finally came to an intense boil, I wasn’t completely surprised by the acts of sheer desperation and ploys for attention that this person exhibited. Why? Because I anticipated it a few years ago — it just took some time for those feelings that were lying dormant to surface. This individual acted on feelings of insecurity and inadequacy by trying to play ‘catch up’ in a certain area of my life — the efforts were futile, of course. If the whole situation wasn’t so sad and pathetic, it would be rather humorous. Ah well … I guess I’ll find my laughs in other scenarios …
It’s interesting, the watching and the waiting, the listening and the ‘feelings.’ I never truly know exactly what it is that I’ll bear witness to … or not. But the intent behind someone’s actions, or words that are eventually spoken/written, are almost always expected well in advance. Yet I don’t say much to dissuade the person and I won’t push for the favored outcome — I will just wait it out … intentionally, of course.
