Often, I find myself reminiscing about who I was and pondering who I’ve become. During my many travels down memory lane I often stop and ’stare’ at the person I was and all that I’ve been and all that I’ve done, and at times I find it hard to believe that she and I are one and the same. Never in a million moons would I have thought that she would become me. And never would the average person believe that I was she. Yet we are.
There are similarities between the two of us; we share the same passions for books, writing, art, and new experiences. We both have a longstanding interest in science and psychology. We enjoy the same foods. We play the same music and watch the same films. In those aspects, it would be difficult to tell us apart. However, if one is granted a closer look, the likeness would end there.
Our eyes are the same shape and color, but they don’t see the same things. We are the same height, yet she never stood as tall as me. We breathed the same air, but she held her breath longer than me. Our tears travel the same path, but the source of pain doesn’t come from me as much as it does from her. Our smiles are nearly identical, but don’t come easily to me like it did her. Our desires are eerily similar, yet are more intense and profound coming from me. What she listened to is not heard by me. We have twin thoughts and ideas, but they weren’t understood and didn’t have conviction when expressed by her as they do me. What she touched can’t be felt by me. What she was … is not me. What is me … was never she.
There are times when I wish I would have met myself sooner than I have. Yet, I know that I wouldn’t have been meeting the same person and the journey wouldn’t have been the same. I may not have even liked the me that I was to become if I were introduced to myself before it was time. I may have wanted to remain entirely the same and not experience more growing pains … because I would have thought I had been through more than my share. I may have not wanted to veer from my dreams and goals that I had at the time … because I would have thought that is what I truly wanted and known. I may have not wanted to know any more about family … because I would have thought that I already known exactly what that was. I may have not wanted to know any more about myself … because I would have thought that I had myself all figured out. Thankfully, we did not meet, and thankfully, we have met.
