Harmonizing – SimplyHarmony.com

More often than not, we are guided by the assumption that what we see is what we get. That what is in front of us needs no further explanation because that is all there is and there is nothing more to question and nothing else to understand. When in fact, what we see is often what we don’t ‘get.’

I should have done this sooner. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long. But it’s better late than not at all. So, I’m sorry. It’s unreal the irony of the situation –me apologizing to you, when it is you who should be apologizing to me. Or should it? But I’m sorry, nonetheless. I’m sorry.

I can’t believe that it went on as long as it has, but it did. I have no explanation that would justify, so I won’t bother to create a reason. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry that you settled. It wasn’t worth it in the end. And for that, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I made you wait when you had no idea of what it was you were waiting for. If you did, I know you would not have stayed. I’m sorry that you were betrayed, and that it was I who did the betraying. I’m sorry I forced your hand as if you didn’t have a choice when I knew that you did. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I didn’t listen when you were screaming for me to hear. I’m sorry, I heard your cries, I just wasn’t prepared to wipe your eyes. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Let me right those wrongs. I promise will. I apologize.

Only with time do we realize that there are few things that are simple. It’s easier said than it is done, and it’s much easier to call it black when it is really gray. It’s easy to classify than it is to consider. Yet, there are few moments when black is truly black, when it’s easier to do than it is to say it will be done, and when it’s much easier to consider than it is to classify.

Several months ago I spent a period of time decluttering my space, and in the process, my mind. I felt so unburdened afterward and was ready to move forward. But as I make this transition west, I am realizing that not everything will be moving with me. The things and relationships that I’ve spent a significant part of my life creating and nurturing will continue to develop, and change, and grow, while others will be cut short and/or will be left behind for good.

There are very few guarantees, but one can definitely be assured that expectations will always be put upon, by those who know you best, and by those who have no idea who you are to begin with. And as I work to prepare myself for one of the most exciting times of my life, I’ve had to take some time to re-evaluate certain situations I’ve found myself a part of and sift through the expectations others have or had of me.

Recently, it’s become quite apparent that many people, whom I’ve thought to be of like mind, are simply not. It’s also become crystal clear to me that the person I know myself to be is not in sync with the way I’m viewed by certain individuals. However, the time it has taken for me to come to this conclusion is not nearly as long as it could have been.

The ‘friendships’ that were once budding, will not make it to full bloom. The games that people thought they were playing with me will be suspended mid-play. The way they had written me off will suddenly need edited. The time I alloted for him and for her will be cut. The two-way street will become one-way. The contradictions will suddenly make sense. And any and all expectations people had of me, will suddenly be shot to hell.

In all of my life I’ve never been one to live according to someone else’s expectations. I’ve never been one to conform to someone else’s way of living and thinking. I’ve never wanted to live up to someone’s idea of me or idea of who I should be. In short, I simply refuse to become an abbreviated version of myself. Not now. Not ever.