This time of year I’m always a little more nostalgic and reflective than any other time, even more so than the end of any given year and the beginning of the next. And it doesn’t take major events to trigger certain memories or feelings, and yet it’s not anything small that gets my mind going. In fact, usually it’s nothing at all.
These thoughts and feelings end up defining this particular time in my life and outlining the path I’m to travel. Decisions are made instantly but without haste. Friendships are guarded or destroyed instinctively, but without prejudice. Ambition becomes my dearest friend, but without the hint of favoritism. And during this time, certain things and people are quickly shoved out of my life, but without that second thought that usually comes next.
Conversations that would occur on the daily or weekly basis would suddenly cease to exist, yet are not missed. Spontaneous events suddenly became planned … then never scheduled at all, which was expected. Eventually, comfort zones became increasingly yet predictably uncomfortable. Situations, places, people, things become much too much and something … some thing … inevitably has to give … and change, and does.
I can’t begin to explain why this happens and why it is during this time that the year’s evolution comes to an end. And why the next have already begun the second the others were complete. But it happens, year after year.
And as each year passes, I don’t give much thought to letting people go. I don’t give much resistance to people who want to be let go of. I don’t give much energy to retaining a certain position in someone’s life. I don’t have much to say to someone who doesn’t have much to say in the first place. I don’t give much of my time to someone who spends it like it’s not worth anything. I don’t put up much of a fight when I know there isn’t much left to fight for.
It doesn’t take much to not pick up the phone when it rings. It doesn’t take much to press a button and delete any and all contact. I don’t have much to do with people who don’t have much to do. I don’t have much to believe in if you don’t give me a reason to believe. I don’t have much feeling if I can’t find your pulse. I don’t have much to cry for someone who doesn’t give me a reason to cry.
It doesn’t take much writing to turn in a resignation. I don’t have much to ask someone who doesn’t have anything to question. It’s not too much for me to grow when you want to stay low. I don’t have much to give when I already feel like it’s gone. It doesn’t take much to not speak when you want to remain silent. It doesn’t take much for me to release the reigns if you want to run free. It doesn’t take much to pack to pick up and move. And then, at the end, I realize that it takes too much of me, and then I know that it doesn’t take much to come to the conclusion that each year it doesn’t take much.
[...] still don’t have much to say to someone who doesn’t who don’t have much to say in the first [...]