On Letting Go of Old Conflicts

 Posted by on August 17, 2011  Thrive  No Responses »
Aug 172011
 

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Are you carrying around a whole bunch of stuff with you? No, not your Coach laptop bag or this season’s new Louis Vuitton- but “stuff.”  I’m talking about the stuff that’s hindering your walk and tripping you up as you go about your day-to-day — stuff such as old conflicts.

Ah, now you’re with me.

If you’re anything like the average person, you probably have an old conflict or two lingering around in your psyche that you’re not willing to let go of. These conflicts can feel like you’re carrying half the solar system on your back. But for some reason you just can’t get over it and it’s been preventing you from feeling like your most positive and resilient self.

Not a good feeling at all.

But do you want to know what typically happens while you’re clinging to an old conflict?

While you’re busy giving the person the stink-eye each time you run into him or her at a happy hour, or gossiping about him/her to your BFF, or venting and writing pseudo-subliminal messages on your Facebook status update, or using the #subtweet hashtag on Twitter when you’re not-so-subtlety dissing the person, cyber-stalking the person’s every move, or imagining fast-pushing the person into oncoming traffic — the other person has happily moved on with her/his life.

Yes, really.

Kind of makes you feel silly, immature, and stuck in the past, doesn’t it?

Listen, you’re not the only one who is guilty of this. I see it practically every single week on my Facebook and Twitter stream. And it always makes me wonder, “Sheesh, why hasn’t this person moved on and let it go?” And my thought immediately after is, “Maybe this person doesn’t want to?”

But what if you want to? What if you just want to shake off the conflict and start your days new and fresh without any lingering hostility toward or about some random situation or person from your past? What can you do about it?

Well, I thought of some ways that could get you to let go of old conflicts for good.

Confront the Situation or Person: If you have a situation that has hurt you deeply and you can’t imagine not walking away from it without having some questions answered or hearing the other person’s side of the story, simply confront it. Sounds hard and unfathomable to you? Afraid of what the other person might say? Get some courage and just do it. You will be able to walk away knowing– whether you like the outcome or not – that you did address it. Or, if you prefer, leave things just as they are and continue to hang on to the conflict as if you’re life depends on it. It’s your choice.

Heal: In order to heal you must accept that this conflict did exist and that you still view it as unresolved — and most importantly that it is OK. Understand your role in the situation and the other party’s role as well. Once you accept all of these things, you are no longer resisting the situation and are able to heal. Healing requires focusing your energy on positive forces in your life – love, the power of positive thoughts, kind words, good deeds, and looking toward something bigger than yourself to fix the problem. Focus on the healing; and once you heal, you can look at the situation in a different and more positive light.

Grow: As with any situation in life, you learn by growing from it. Take your unresolved old conflicts, analyze them, and examine them closely for what you can learn from them. Look for answers to the question: “How can I grow from this?” And don’t just internalize it and ponder how you can grow. Growing requires movement and motion. Put what you’re learned into action. And remember that all things work out for your good. Really, they do.

Let Go: Once you realize that you are the one responsible for your thoughts, actions, moods, and life, you will understand that the only person that is able to resolve any of these conflicts is you. And how you resolve them is entirely up to you as well. Ask yourself if you are reliving the past and ask yourself if what you really want is a better and brighter future. If the answers to both of the questions are yes, then simply put your energy into letting go of the conflict instead of draining your energy by constantly thinking about the past.

The past is over. It’s gone. The conflict is old. Simply let it go.

How do you handle old conflicts? Do you let them linger or do you just drop them? Share in the comment section below.

A Plea for Positivity – When Social Media Becomes A Tragic Turn-Off

 Posted by on May 10, 2011  Thrive  No Responses »
May 102011
 

Do you find yourself constantly updating your Facebook status with your daily woes? Do you Tweet your complete disdain for all things alive and dead on an hourly basis?

Or are you on the other end of the social media spectrum and find yourself avoiding your Facebook page like the plague? Do you catch yourself logging into your Twitter account and sending up a prayer that your timeline isn’t full of bitter and toxic tweets?

Whether you are the Negative Nelly dumping your inner turmoil all over your friend’s home pages or you are the Peppy Patty ducking from someone else’s purging of problems, negativity in social media is something that we all experience – willingly or not.

We all know that everyone has a bad day from time to time. It’s nothing new. Bad traffic, a rain or snow storm, a narcissistic boss, terrible customer service, a fight with your significant other, an annoying colleague, a falling out with a best friend, out of control kids, and the rising cost of gas are all events and experiences that we all must suffer through.

But is this post-worthy?

Sure. At times.

A random status update or tweet about such things every pink moon is normal and expected. However, posting negative news on a daily or hourly basis is not.

Social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter are prime internet soil for negativity to grow like weeds; and complaints, snarky comments, vents, insults, and snide remarks have become a major trend. It doesn’t matter if you are using your Facebook or Twitter pages for professional reasons or if you’re using it to simply keep in touch with close friends and family, updating your status message to gripe or tweet downer messages is not good for your image. In fact, it makes you look like a glass half-empty kind of gal (or guy).

Clearly, complaining and tossing insults on social media sites is an easy habit to get into and the comments cheering you on and the “friends” rallying around you can make you feel that you are not alone in your rants and opinions. But if your negative updates aren’t outdone by your plethora of positive posts (or at least balanced) you may just be one the many Negative Nellies or Neds whom your friends and followers on the other end of the aforementioned spectrum are ducking and deleting at rapid speed.

Habits are hard as heck to break. Yes. And turning a sour and negative outlook on life and all of its counterparts into a sunny positive disposition seems like one of the most difficult tasks to undertake regarding one’s online (and offline) persona. In fact, it was merely a week ago that I read of one woman’s struggle to survive 7 days online without writing one mean or negative comment. (She didn’t make it past a couple of days!)

And for various reasons, sometimes it seems as if it is almost impossible to create a negativity-free zone online. We participate in the negative drama because it’s all we know and are used to and therefore can’t stop. Many of us continue to tolerate these annoying tweets and Facebook updates because, well, these people are our friends or family. And many of us put up with the nonsense because, well, we are not the ones posting this stuff. We participate. We ignore. We rationalize. Right? Right.

But here’s the thing: You can make the changes for a more positive and happier online social media environment. It’s a simple matter of wanting a more pleasant experience and then making the changes to create it. Whether those changes are for you to stop or decrease your negative updates, post more positive and inspiring status and tweets, unfriend and unfollow Negative Nellyies and Neds, or shut down your pages and leave the social media world behind temporarily or permanently, the choices are all there for you to make.

The bottom line: You are the sole person responsible for your social media environment. Make it a positive one as possible.